an anniversary remembered

Four years ago E and I were married. October 21st, 2006. I can honestly say that day was one of my favorite. Top 3 for sure. I know it is cliche to say things like that, but it is true. To be gathered with all of your favorite people, with good food, atmosphere, and energy; and to marry someone that you love so much — well it is hard to beat a day like that. Alot has happened since that day, and to not have E here anymore is so hard to believe. I have been nervous about this date coming up for a few months now. But I decided that instead of feeling lost and sad and wishing things had turned out differently; I would find a way to make this day great. The 21st of October has been such a wonderful day in my life for the past few years and I don't want that to change. That seems like a better way to remember E and our time together. Seems like the next best thing to him actually still being here and being well.

I have been looking through our wedding album today. I was asked to send them to another girl who is having her wedding at Carnton Plantation too, and wanted some inspiration. But of course, it was poetic that it coincides with our anniversary. It is definitely hard to see them and to see how beautiful E was, how in love we were. But it is so nice to be on this side of it all and to not regret a day of it. I am thankful for every bit of time with E — all the good, all the bad, all the sick and the healthy days, and the life we stitched together. I am thankful for how he loved me unconditionally, and for the things I learned from him. I am also thankful to have had such an amazing day in my life and beautiful photographs to remember it by.

more photos here

all photographs by Micheal Howard

yellow owl pendants

I have been working really hard this afternoon to avoid doing any actual work! So of course I began to peruse my favorite blogs and websites—which in one sense is "work" because it provides LOTS of inspiration that I am able to use in my projects. Anyway, I have always loved what is coming out of Yellow Owl Workshop, but these pendants are too cool. I definitely want to get the Color Wheel, but am not sure I can pass up the Earth/Fire and Air/Water ones. I am a fire sign; E was air. 

uniter, not a divider

The Tomato Arts Festival was this weekend. I have been asked by many people what this festival actually is, and really, I am not sure the best way to explain it. I think you just have to experience it. But, basically, it is a festival of art exhibits, live music, food, Bloody Mary contests, crafts, costume contests and a weekend where the entire neighborhood of East Nashville focuses on the tomato! The idea is that the tomato is a "uniter", not a "divider" in the sense that people think it is a vegetable, when really it is a fruit! Strange, I know, but this is sort of a glimpse into what East Nashville is all about anyway. The best part is that the whole neighborhood has a reason to come together. This festival holds a pretty dear place in my heart, not only because I love living in East Nashville, but because I have been going to this festival since the early stages that it started. It has grown so much, and continues to get bigger. Which is very good for our little quirky neighborhood. However, the one thing that hasn't changed is the blazing HOT weather! Man, it takes commitment to get out in 98 degree heat in the middle of August, but the end of the day Bloody Mary makes it okay I suppose!

the big 3-0

I turned 30 this past week. I definitely can say it is not what I expected it to look like. As hard as the past handful of time has been, I guess I am very thankful for it all. I have experienced many things most people don't get to experience, and at the end of the day it has made me what I am. And I finally like who I am as I move into my 30s. My time with E has alot to do with that.

People are right when they say holidays and birthdays are difficult when you have lost someone in your life. I missed E alot—had many memories of past birthdays flooding my thoughts. But, I had so many beautiful friends around me all week as well, and I feel blessed with the wealth of love that I have in my life right now. Good food and drinks, great music, and lots of laughter walked me into this new decade.

self-portrait at 30

paint can change a room, but that is all it changes

I had a friend help me repaint a lot of the rooms in the house these past two weeks. It was time, and it was necessary to really feel like I could settle back into the house in a healthy way. E would have probably resisted the color palette I picked out at first, only to then love it! His taste was a lot more bold and bright...much like his energy. But I felt strongly about shifting the energy to a more quiet palette this time around. I have a bit more work to do to put the rooms back together, so will wait to post pictures in the next week or two. But I did keep some spots of his original color palette, and must say it makes me smile to see them.

Also, notice the red pepper—the first from my pepper plant; and the sandwich with the homemade herb mayo, made with herbs I had picked that morning! nice...oh, and my paint "tattoo"..i thought that was pretty cool..

container garden

E and I had planned to start a garden this year. It didn't necessarily happen the way I had hoped—for many reasons—but one afternoon I decided I still really wanted to have some form of a garden, even if it meant in pots. So I got two tomato plants and a pepper plant. That was two weeks before E passed away. They were fairly small then and I wasn't sure how well they would really do since it was later in the season than most people get started. I also found an old box at the flea market that I converted into a planter for herbs. I haven't had the best of luck with herbs in the past, and have never grown fruits or vegetables, but they have all been doing pretty well! To watch them change size and start producing is so neat. It has been a healthy focus for me—in the mornings over coffee, or in the afternoons when I get home from work. What could easily be a time where all I want to do is shut down and grieve, I instead spend time outside with the dogs and with myself while taking care of the plants. I suppose it isn't hard to understand why having gardens can be a healing task for people—the symbolism of growth and caring for something each day. As I have slowly been transitioning back into some form of a life for myself, I have been working to keep these plants going. I am thankful that at least something in my life is thriving...it is a reminder of where I need to be when I am ready.    

loss

I suffered the biggest loss of my life three weeks ago.

There was about a week that was such a blur, I wonder how I actually managed to get up and make it through the most basic of daily activities. How I got through all of the REST had nothing to do with me. It was all of the prayers and thoughts that were being sent up for me, no doubt. Not sure I will ever be able to post on all of it, but hope to at some point. In the meantime, I have been collecting little snippets from life. It is strange that days keep moving when you feel as if your own life is at a complete halt. When you sometimes wish things would come to a halt so that you don't get so far away from the person you have lost. Life doesn't stop for anything though. We either jump back in or we watch it race by from afar. We are not promised tomorrow, so I suppose it is better to find a way to jump back in. I am not quite there yet, but I guess I can keep documenting what is going on around me until I catch up.

hipstamatic

I kept hearing about the iPhone app called Hipstamatic, and FINALLY decided to get it. Now I can't stop taking pictures with it!

creative hiatus

I have been on a little bit of a creative hiatus the past few months.
Not necessarily a planned one, but more out of necessity. I don't expect to jump back into my long list of projects that I had going at the beginning of the year, but I do think I will start on another quilt.
I have been ready to get my hands working again, and I have found with quilting, I am able to quiet my mind and still be productive. There is a meditative quality to it and that is exactly what I need right now. Will update with pictures along the way, but here is an image that sparked a possible color palette and maybe pattern.

scouting

Spent an afternoon this weekend with a friend scouting out places for her wedding photos. Snagged a few shots for myself. It was stormy and the sky was doing some weird things. I like how it is almost non-existent in some of the images.

cabin in the mountains

Spent a few days with my family in a cozy cabin in the mountains.
No cell phone service, beautiful scenery, and got a new pair of moccasins.
Not a bad way to escape from life for a few days.

the flood of nashville

You can plan your days, work overtime to meet deadlines, make major life decisions and have certain expectations of how things will move forward; and then the city you live in gets flooded and all things come to a halt! This past weekend Nashville was hit with record breaking amounts of rain that caused major flooding all over the city. Thankfully, I was not personally affected by any damage to house, car, etc...but have friends who were, and the museum has been closed due to slight flooding and power outages. Weeks and weeks worth of work and projects to meet a mid-May deadline will have to be shifted, but the days off of work have allowed for a mental break that was much needed. And the reminder that we can only control so much in our lives and we have to hand the rest over is always a good thing.

I wasn't able to get out and get many pictures, but luckily my friend Paul, who is a fantastic photographer, was able to get some pretty amazing shots of downtown.