28 July 2010

paint can change a room, but that is all it changes

I had a friend help me repaint a lot of the rooms in the house these past two weeks. It was time, and it was necessary to really feel like I could settle back into the house in a healthy way. E would have probably resisted the color palette I picked out at first, only to then love it! His taste was a lot more bold and bright...much like his energy. But I felt strongly about shifting the energy to a more quiet palette this time around. I have a bit more work to do to put the rooms back together, so will wait to post pictures in the next week or two. But I did keep some spots of his original color palette, and must say it makes me smile to see them.

Also, notice the red pepper—the first from my pepper plant; and the sandwich with the homemade herb mayo, made with herbs I had picked that morning! nice...oh, and my paint "tattoo"..i thought that was pretty cool..

19 July 2010

container garden

E and I had planned to start a garden this year. It didn't necessarily happen the way I had hoped—for many reasons—but one afternoon I decided I still really wanted to have some form of a garden, even if it meant in pots. So I got two tomato plants and a pepper plant. That was two weeks before E passed away. They were fairly small then and I wasn't sure how well they would really do since it was later in the season than most people get started. I also found an old box at the flea market that I converted into a planter for herbs. I haven't had the best of luck with herbs in the past, and have never grown fruits or vegetables, but they have all been doing pretty well! To watch them change size and start producing is so neat. It has been a healthy focus for me—in the mornings over coffee, or in the afternoons when I get home from work. What could easily be a time where all I want to do is shut down and grieve, I instead spend time outside with the dogs and with myself while taking care of the plants. I suppose it isn't hard to understand why having gardens can be a healing task for people—the symbolism of growth and caring for something each day. As I have slowly been transitioning back into some form of a life for myself, I have been working to keep these plants going. I am thankful that at least something in my life is thriving...it is a reminder of where I need to be when I am ready.    

06 July 2010


I suffered the biggest loss of my life three weeks ago.

There was about a week that was such a blur, I wonder how I actually managed to get up and make it through the most basic of daily activities. How I got through all of the REST had nothing to do with me. It was all of the prayers and thoughts that were being sent up for me, no doubt. Not sure I will ever be able to post on all of it, but hope to at some point. In the meantime, I have been collecting little snippets from life. It is strange that days keep moving when you feel as if your own life is at a complete halt. When you sometimes wish things would come to a halt so that you don't get so far away from the person you have lost. Life doesn't stop for anything though. We either jump back in or we watch it race by from afar. We are not promised tomorrow, so I suppose it is better to find a way to jump back in. I am not quite there yet, but I guess I can keep documenting what is going on around me until I catch up.

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