20 June 2012
The Summer Solstice is happening today. The longest period of daylight this year. Makes sense why it is believed to bring inspiration and spiritual insight. More time to reflect, maybe? More time to be open to it? For whatever reason, I find the comfort in imagining that point of shift. That peak where the day almost stops just long enough to hang on, and then follows course to keep moving. The reminder that there is always movement, even if we feel we will never get past where we are, is refreshing. Recently I crossed from the second year of E's passing, into the third. I can say the first year felt like eternity. Most days felt so heavy because they were coupled with grief and feeling lost, that I wasn't sure I would make it out of that hole. This past year has turned out to be the year of learning how to live again. How to live alone again, how to live within that transitional balance of wishing to still be in one place while being pushed forward into another, learning how to let go in order to let new things in. How to allow more days in that did not involve grief, learning who I really am and how to live a more authentic life. I expect all that learning will begin to shift into actually living again as I move into the third year. I wrote in my first blog about this loss that "Life doesn't stop for anything....We either jump back in or we watch it race by from afar. We are not promised tomorrow, so I suppose it is better to find a way to jump back in." Well, I did. I still am. I feel I am at my own peak of sorts—able to stop a bit and reflect on the stretch I have traveled—and then keep following the course that is already set out for me. Knowing that I have more strength, and experience, and understanding of love, to carry with me. That there is a purpose worth pursuing. And that connection is at the root of it all.
Posted by emily at 2:13 PM